What It’s Like to Date When You’re on the Autism Spectrum

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Brodie*, 19

VICE: How do you feel about sex and dating?
Brodie: Quite honestly, I’m asexual, so I would not want to have sexual intercourse. Hugging would be alright even before getting into a relationship, but kissing would only be okay after we get into a relationship.

How long have you know that you didn’t experience sexual desire?
For the longest time. When I first learned what sex was, I decided that I didn’t want to have sex until after I’m married. However recently, I decided that I never want to have sex at all, even after I get married. Basically I want to stay a virgin for life.

What would a perfect relationship for you look like? Your ideal partner?
A perfect relationship? That’s hard to imagine for me. I guess someone who shares the same interests as me. My ideal partner would be somebody who is very kind, and sweet, and innocent, just like the girl I had feelings for this past year. She’s the only girl who I’ve ever felt was basically perfect for me.

How do you know somebody’s “the one” for you?
In particular, this school year that just passed, there was a girl that I ended up developing feelings for. All throughout university I was telling myself, “I’m not going to get into a relationship. I’m not going to develop feelings for anybody.” But then at the beginning of this year, I started talking with this girl who I didn’t talk to very much last year. I ended up visiting her suite, quite frequently and eventually I developed romantic feelings for her. And in particular, this girl felt like “the one” to me because in my opinion, she was the kindest, most innocent girl I had ever met. That was the only crush that I developed in university, and if I hadn’t met that person, I probably wouldn’t have developed a single crush in university at all.

Do you see any downsides to dating an Aspie? 
The worst thing about dating me might actually apply to a lot of Aspies. I tend to role play a lot. One of my intense “Aspie” interests is that I enact scenes from movies or animes. Sometimes I think that roleplaying can come across as strange or annoying to others.

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